Ken Edwards

Guinness world record holder.  Big Ken ate 36 cockroaches in one minute.

Mark Pauline

Founder and director of Survival Research Laboratories.  SRL makes robotic constructions that fight each other in complex and destructive robot performances.  I lucked out and saw them in 1997.  Pauline is a brilliant and dedicated artist.  See here how his hand took one for the team.

Josh Longo

Designer who makes these brilliant stuffed creatures.  I want them all. 

Mr. Toast

I am pushing it here with Mr. Toast, but for our purposes let’s assume he is a bipedal mammal with a toast-shaped full body deformity.  And the Mr. Toast dolls looks great in the wild.

Susan Blue and Nikki Grace

The characters played by Laura Dern in Inland Empire, David Lynch’s new movie — which made me so paranoid I was scared my house would crack and lose a wall.  Much love to Laura Dern, especially in the scene on the street when the women are talking about Pomona.  I saw it Saturday and it made me assess myself and my skin crawled, but I’d go see it again tonight.

Nathan Ranaga Farbiarz

Artist from Eureka Springs, Arkansas who has created the world’s largest wind chimes.  Apparently it’s completely in tune.  My wife wants credit for finding this guy.  Thank you, wifey.

Andrei Chikatilo

Chikatilo was Russia’s worst serial killer, sexually mutilating and killing more than 50 children and young women. He was impotent and could only achieve orgasm by killing his victims, who were often homeless. During his trial, Chikatilo was kept in a large cage inside the courtroom.

Konerak Sinthasomphone

Poor 14 yr old Konerak was Jeffrey Dahmer’s 13th victim.  He actually escaped Dahmer’s apartment and was found wandering on the street, naked and disoriented.  Not only was he returned to Dahmer, he was returned by the police.  Dahmer told them Konerak was his lover, and they were in the middle of a spat.  Later, Konerak’s skull would be identified among the gruesome remains in Dahmer’s apartment. 

The Loughton Candidate

The Loughton Candidate is a character in Matthew Barney’s 1994 Cremaster 4.  He is a satyr in development who does a lot of tap dancing, cavorting with fairies, and burrowing through tunnels.   

Takeru “The Tsunami” Kobayashi

Takeru Kobayashi is the best competitive eater on God’s green earth.  Kobayashi owns the Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest, which he has dominated for the past six years.  In 2006 he sucked back 53 3/4 hot dogs and buns in 12 minutes flat by employing the Solomon technique, where he breaks the dog in two and dominates the dog.   

Mike Rowe

I want Mike Rowe’s job.  Mike hosts Discovery Channel’s Dirty Jobs, the coolest show on TV.  What’s Mike done?  Boiled flesh off dead animals.  Processed food waste from casinos.  Hunted for crawfish.  Harvested mud.  The list is endless.  Mike Rowe is a dirty little Renaissance man.

Joseph Pujol

Pujol wowed audiences across 19th century France performing as Le Pétomane.  Le Pétomane was a professional farter, and he could blow out candles and do impressions.