Franklin Hardesty

Franklin is the whiny wheelchair-bound kid from Texas Chainsaw Massacre.  He A) enjoys talking about slaughterhouses B) gets his arm hacked on by the hitchhiker guy C) overacts his way into a classic cinema moment when he loses it and sticks his tongue out at the ceiling, fake laughing and blowing raspberries up at his sister and friends.  I have No. Clue. why they took Franklin in the first place. 

Susan Blue and Nikki Grace

The characters played by Laura Dern in Inland Empire, David Lynch’s new movie — which made me so paranoid I was scared my house would crack and lose a wall.  Much love to Laura Dern, especially in the scene on the street when the women are talking about Pomona.  I saw it Saturday and it made me assess myself and my skin crawled, but I’d go see it again tonight.

Lars von Trier

A modern filmaker and father of the Dogme95 movement — which strips directors of pretty much every storytelling artifice at their disposal.  Director of Zentropa, The Kingdom, The Element of Crime, et al.  Lars von Trier makes the filmic version of the OuLiPo literary movement — filming under constraint.  His recent The Five Obstructions is a killer example of this.  Just be sure to have coffee on during that movie.

Super Dave Osbourne

A horrible stuntman character played by Bob Einstein.  Super Dave was like a wack Evel Knievel.  His stunts seldom if ever succeeded.  I remember seeing him on Bizarre when I was a kid in the early 80s.  I also remember that Bizarre showed boobies, which was the bomb. 

John Cale

Cale played bass and viola for the Velvet Underground.  Before VU, Cale studied modern composition with La Monte Young and Dream Syndicate.  He performed in John Cage piano pieces.  He produced Nico’s The Marble Index.  Dave McKean illustrated his autobiography.

Sterling Morrison

The guitarist for the Velvet Underground.  After VU he taught here in Austin, Medieval Studies at UT Austin I believe.  Sterling Morrison was also the captain of a tugboat.  He died in 1995. 

Jenna Jameson

Jenna Jameson is the world’s most powerful porn star today, the Queen of Porn.  Yesterday at the library I flipped through her How To Make Love Like A Porn Star: A Cautionary Tale and stressed out that some bookfrau was going to beat me with her Hannah Arendt and call me a lecher.  Jameson has worked in such films as Daysha: Like A Geyser, Jenna Loves Pain, and Where The Boys Aren’t 15.  She also starred as Holly So Tightly in The Dirt Merchant.

G-Child

G-Child, the braided 21-year old with the sunburned nose, low self-esteem, and the sizzurp habit,  is the latest white rapper to be told to step off ego trip’s The White Rapper Show.  G-Child was charismatic but honestly idolized Vanilla Ice a little too much.  Vanilla Ice doesn’t even get a link from my site.  He gets no traffic from MIC. 

Maureen “Mo” Tucker

Mo Tucker was the second drummer for the Velvet Underground.  She drummed with a sparse, minimal style that turned into the backbone for the wild improvisation of the rest of the band.  Mo was self-taught.  In the 80s Mo Tucker worked for Wal-Mart.  Mo has played with Jad Fair, and she still drums in the music scene around Georgia.  According to her site, she is now a grandmother.

Pozdnyshev

Pozdnyshev is a character in Leo Tolstoy’s The Kreutzer Sonata.  Pozdnyshev tells the narrator the story of his life and marriage, which is about as toxic and envious as Andrea Yates and Iago singing You Oughta Know.  Pozdnyshev is allegedly Tolstoy’s mouthpiece for his own feelings about marriage and sex, which he calls the piglike behavior.  Download for free here.

Yitzhak

Yitzhak is the highly androgynous bandmate of Hedwig in Hedwig and the Angry Inch.  I’m not sure if Hedwig and Yitzhak are married or what, but they sure have eyes for each other.  Yitzhak’s defining moment: the fist pumps into the air at the very end of Wig In A Box, as the camera pans skyward.  Hedwig and Yitzhak.  (Happy birthday Taylor!)

The Crusher

The Crusher is a muscle-bound wrestler who faces Bugs Bunny in the ring in the Looney Tunes episode Bunny Hugged.  My sister and I spent many hours reciting this episode time and time again.  ”Oh brotha!  There goes me bread and buttah!  I gotta do somethin!”  (Happy birthday Taylor!)